Tag Archives: funny

License Plates for Bicycles Sought by NJ Lawmaker

UPDATE (01/13/11): Big Gov’t Bureaucrat Back Pedals on Bike Bill

"Can I see your license and registration, please?"

"Can I see your license and registration, please?"

A New Jersey democrat is using her political muscle to force citizens across the state to register their bicycles with the Division of Motor Vehicles. The ridiculous maneuver would help the state offset its $10 billion budget deficit by enforcing a $10 per license plate fee and fines up to $100 for those, including children, caught riding unregistered bikes.

Assemblywoman Cleopatra Tucker (D-Essex) said balancing the state’s budget isn’t her motivation for the outlandish proposal; it’s protecting senior citizens from getting run over by kids on bikes.

Affixing license plates to every bicycle in the state would help these vulnerable senior citizens identify and rattle off the license plate numbers from the kids’ bikes to the police, ensuring the rascals are brought to justice, says Tucker.

Tucker’s proposal has been met with opposition by a diverse group of interests including bicyclists, environmentalists, business owners and even her own colleagues in the State House.

“That’s an outrage, for sure,” said Paige Hiemier, vice-president of the New Jersey Bike & Walk Coalition. “Basically, it’s outrageous for a number of reasons, and most of them are: Who is the legislation aimed at? Who’s going to administer it? How are they going to pay for it? Who’s going to stop the bicyclists and check their registration?”

Send Tucker an email reminding her not to make the same mistake twice: AswTucker@njleg.org

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US Border Agents Silently Confiscating Kids’ Candy

Wouldn't it be nice if U.S. border agents did an equally amazing job catching terrorists, drug smugglers, and those criminal elements hell-bent on illegally infiltrating our nation's porous borders?

Wouldn't it be nice if U.S. border agents did an equally amazing job catching terrorists, drug smugglers, and those criminal elements hell-bent on illegally infiltrating our nation's porous borders?

Just when you thought catching terrorists, drug smugglers and illegal alien invaders were among the top priorities of the U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agency, there comes news from the Canadian border that agents have also been tasked with confiscating kids’ contraband candy.

Linda Bird, a Canadian woman who recently attempted enter the U.S., was stunned when CBP agents seized a $2 chocolate egg that has been deemed a “choking hazard” by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The confection marketed towards children is commonly know across the globe as a “Kinder Surprise,” and contains a small toy safely embedded inside a chocolate covered plastic shell.

Canadian health officials have repeatedly said they are not concerned about the potential for youngsters to choke on the tiny toys hidden inside the eggs because the plastic shells are difficult for children of any age to open, especially toddlers that simply do not have the manual dexterity required.

Across the border in the Nanny States of America, the FDA and CBP remain committed to ensuring that contraband candy eggs never infiltrate our nation’s northern border and needlessly put a single American child’s life at risk.

“The U.S. takes catching illegal Kinder candy seriously, judging by the number of them they’ve confiscated in the last year,” reports the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC). “Officials said they’ve seized more than 25,000 of the treats in 2,000 separate seizures.”

Undated warning label from a Kinder Surprise warns parents of tiny tots about potential choking hazards.

Undated warning label from a Kinder Surprise warns parents of tiny tots about potential choking hazards.

International confectioner, Ferrero, introduced the Kinder Surprise in 1974, and since then, more than 30 billion eggs have safely been devoured by children across the globe. In fact, Ferrero notes on its website that it has taken extra precautions to ensure that “Kinder Surprise toys are designed and developed with safety in mind, rigorously observing international regulations as well as extra safety criteria voluntarily adopted by the Ferrero Group.”

Despite a thriving global market for a seemingly innocent and safe confection that has yet to be threatened with extinction by a frivolous class action lawsuit in any nation, the Kinder Surprise remains on the CBP’s list of items that, if found being smuggled in to the U.S., could result in a $300 fine and legal headaches.

Accused Kinder Surprise ‘smuggler,’ Bird, said she recently received a “seven-page letter” from the U.S. government asking her to “formally authorize the destruction of her seized Kinder egg” or pay $250 for it to be put in storage while legal matters are pursued.

“I thought it was a joke,” Bird said. “I had to read it twice. But they are serious.”

Do you support CBP’s silent crackdown on contraband candy or prefer they stick to performing the agency’s “priority mission of keeping terrorists and their weapons out of the U.S.?”

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CAPTIONFEST: Who’s Your Nanny?

It looks like motorists in Tacoma, Wash., have a tough dilemma on their hands. Do they respect the parking laws of the city or the wishes of Subway?

“I’m wondering if Subway is sending these out and trying to override municipal parking regulations all across the nation,” asks ‘Justin,’ who submitted the image of dueling parking signs to Consumerist.com.

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Obesity Alarmist Doesn’t Tweet What She Preaches

Thou Tweet with forketh tongue, Linda.

Thou Tweet with forketh tongue, Linda.

The Orlando Sentinel’s in-house anti-obesity crusader, Linda Shrieves, went to bat yesterday for a radical animal ‘rights’ group that is attempting to replace the USDA’s food pyramid with a vegan substitute that eliminates all meat and dairy products.

When the obesity-obsessed Shrieves isn’t taking the journalistic liberty of transforming press releases from the likes of the agenda-driven Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine in to public health warnings, she can’t seem to resist Tweeting about the latest deals to be found at fast food restaurants:

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Court Confiscates Lawyer’s ‘Contraband’ Candy

Gene Gulinson might be a sucker for jawbreakers, but do you think he's a lawbreaker, too?

Gene Gulinson might be a sucker for jawbreakers, but do you think he's a lawbreaker, too?

An Arizona attorney says that after thirty years of trying cases in Phoenix courthouses, no one has ever raised an issue about his sweet tooth. That all changed when guards recently confiscated Gene Gulinson’s jawbreakers and prohibited his bag of pastries, reports UPI:

Gene Gulinson, who practices in Phoenix, said his treatment at the Highland Justice Court in Gilbert damaged his reputation, The Arizona Republic reported. He is seeking $75,000 from the town.

Gulinson, in his notice of claim, said he has brought candy into courthouses dozens of times over the past 30 years without any trouble.

The trouble began when Gulinson went to the courthouse for a pretrial conference with a client who had two traffic tickets. He said guards first told him he could not enter carrying a bag of pastries a client had given him.

After he got rid of the pastries, guards searched his briefcase and found the jawbreakers.

A town spokeswoman said food is not allowed in the court, although Gilbert makes an exception for babies.

Another frivolous lawsuit or do you think Gulinson’s case has teeth? Afterall, parents are allowed to bring food in to the courtroom and their kids probably make bigger messes than attorneys wearing expensive suits they’d prefer not to soil.

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2010’s Most Notorious Nanny State Ninnies

Michelle Malkin just released her “Big Nannies of the Year” list and Reason.tv recently held its annual red carpet ‘awards gala.’ Find out who made the cut and let us know if a notorious nanny state nincompoop has been overlooked.

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‘Christmas’ Is the New ‘C-Word’

Get this slogan on a t-shirt at ChristianShirts.net

Get this slogan on a t-shirt at ChristianShirts.net

FOX News reports that NPR’s Nina Totenberg apologized on-air this past weekend for potentially offending her audience by using the term “Christmas party” to describe an event she recently attended:

NPR’s Nina Totenberg suggests that using the word “Christmas” to describe all those winter-weather parties is somehow inappropriate, as she excused herself over the weekend for using it during an on-air discussion.

The peculiar remark came as Totenberg was making a point about the budget. She asked her fellow panelists to “forgive the expression” when she mentioned a Christmas party she attended.

“I want to say one thing about the budget that didn’t get passed, the omnibus bill. You know, we talk a lot about — we just passed this huge tax cut in part because business said, you know, we have to plan, we have to know what kind of tax cuts we have. Well, these agencies, including the Defense Department, don’t know how much money they’ve got and for what,” she said. “And I was at — forgive the expression — a Christmas party at the Department of Justice and people actually (were) really worried about this.”

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“All I want for Christmas is free Obama money!”

From Macon.com: “Showing her Georgia Power bills in the one warm room of her home, Raymeica Kelly explains how her mother, sister and herself were turned away from the Energy Assistance Program on Wednesday morning after standing in line for four hours. All three complained that the system the Macon-Bibb County Economic Opportunity Council uses to give out the assistance needs improving.”

That's a really nice and big HDTV you have, Raymeica! Looks like you have XBox 360, too. Explain to us, again, why taxpayers need to pay your bills, especially since you're gainfully employed again? Raymeica's on Facebook, too. Read her recent comments (below) to those who don't understand her 'needs.' What's wrong with this picture?

That's a really nice and big HDTV you have, Raymeica! Looks like you have XBox 360, too. Explain to us, again, why taxpayers need to pay your bills, especially since you're gainfully employed again? Raymeica's on Facebook, too. Read her recent comments (below) to those who don't understand her 'needs.' What's wrong with this picture?

“Kelley said she was unemployed for a year before recently landing a job. But her bills have stacked up while she was unemployed, and she needs the assistance.”

Raymeica wrote on her Facebook page, “I cant blieve how people hate to help others in their time of need! hope u never need help…im sure u will…keep livin ‘REAL-TALK.'” She adds, “I do work and have always worked ,never been on welfare, and if you need help why not ask for it I have worked and paid my taxes just like any other citizen. THANK YOU!!!! then on top of that, HOW DO ANYBODY KNOW IF I WAS EVEN AT Y OWN HOUSE? SO STOP ACTING LIKE YU TOO PROUD TO BEG!!! SEE YOU LATER IN LINE PIMPS AND PIMPETTES!!!!”

Well, Raymeica … we know the picture was taken at your house because the photo caption says you’re standing in “one warm room of [your] home.”

What’s your advice to Raymeica for managing her personal finances? Sound-off below.

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Florida Official Responds to ‘Scrooge’ Accusations; Accuses Toll Collectors of Theft

CLARIFIED: There's nothing to see at Florida's toll booths except those hideous shirts employees are forced to wear.

CLARIFIED: There's nothing to see at Florida's toll booths except those hideous shirts employees are forced to wear.

The Nanny State Liberation Front today received an email from Christa Deason, a public information officer with Florida’s Turnpike Enterprise, in response to our Dec. 6 report, “Sunshine State Forbids Holiday Decorations at Toll Booths.” Interestingly, while Ms. Deason was in the process of explaining procedures and protocols, she found it necessary to accuse some toll workers of “try[ing] to steal toll money or shortchange customers or conduct other illegal activities from inside the booth.”

In the spirit of giving equal time and an equal voice to all parties in the debate and discussion, we share Ms. Deason’s concerns with our readers:

I saw your online article and wanted to respond.

There are actually three separate issues going on here as a result of a partial, inaccurately reported story on Sunday night. One issue is about employee personal expression of their holidays at the Turnpike, one is about decorating toll booths and one is about roadside displays of decorations. It has all gotten jumbled up and mixed up, and in people’s minds, it is all the same issue, so I’d like to clear this up for you.

The original story about Turnpike decorations that aired on Channel 6 in Orlando and picked up by Channel 10 in Tampa was supposed to be about a Christmas tree that was supposedly put up in the Leesburg tolls administration building on Thursday and taken down on Friday—not a toll booth. But the tree wasn’t taken down, it is in the same location–the break room–where it has been for more than a week. The reporter called at 8 p.m. on Sunday for an 11 p.m. story and I could not verify information until Monday, but he ran the story anyway.

Unfortunately, this story has been picked up by several news outlets, and no one called me to independently check the facts. We aren’t sure what the point the collector, a contracted employee of Faneuil, was hoping to make—perhaps she just got nervous and confused when the reporter stuck a microphone in front of her.

Florida’s Turnpike Enterprise has not allowed holiday decorations or any personal items in the toll booths for approximately 20 years. This directive is in place for several reasons, but is primarily about security. Toll workers are not allowed to carry any personal items into the booths, which are shared by several individuals throughout the day. This ban includes photographs, magazines and books, money, purses, wallets, cell phones, blackberries, etc. They cannot eat or smoke in the toll plazas. They are not allowed to wear hats or other headgear that can obscure their actions inside the booth. They can have nothing on their person, nor can anything be displayed in the booth that may help them conceal money, obscure security cameras or allow them to create a diversion to hide their activities. They cannot make or receive personal phone calls while in the booth (cell phones have cameras, and we can’t chance them taking photos of the equipment and the proprietary software, which could allow hackers to get in the system.) And they shouldn’t be texting or talking on the phone anyway—they should be serving our customers. While the majority of workers are very honest, there are those few individuals who will try to steal toll money or shortchange customers or conduct other illegal activities from inside the booth. The security cameras and procedures in place ensure that we are being good stewards of the public monies collected. Collectors are aware of these restrictions and procedures when they are hired.

Most importantly, however, and this drives all decisions on the Turnpike, it is about minimizing driver distractions at the toll plazas and ensuring worker and motorist safety. When a crash occurs at a toll plaza due to driver distraction, it often involves a toll worker injury— sometimes even a critical or fatal injury. Signage and instructional messaging were recently standardized at the toll booths to minimize driver distractions. The latest change in policy occurred in mid-October and, for the same reasons set forth above, extends the policy to the grassy areas in front of the toll facilities and the parking lots adjacent to the buildings.

In mid-October, we received an email complaining of demonic displays (Halloween) in the lawn area between the booths and the tolls administration building at a toll plaza in Tampa, which surprised us because nothing is supposed to be located on the right of way except information signs. We also received a few phone calls, both complaining about and complimenting them. The display was erected by contracted toll collectors with all good intentions, but they did not seek permission through the normal traffic operations protocol to set up the display. The display was removed. A similar type of display was erected in South Florida at a toll plaza. Even if they had requested permission to set up a display, it would have been denied by the traffic engineers for reasons of motorist safety as the displays created distractions at a toll facility. In this case they were Halloween displays, but they could have been dancing polar bears or a sign saying “Happy Birthday _____.” No displays or signs that distract drivers are allowed on the side of the road and if proper procedure had been followed, they never would have gone up in the first place. This doesn’t even begin to address federal and state guidelines on obstructions and hazards on the right-of-way, which includes what can and cannot be placed, and how far it can be placed, off the shoulder of the roadway because signs and other objects can be of great hazard to a motorist if they leave the roadway proper.

Just several weeks ago a distracted driver talking on his cell phone swerved to avoid hitting the car in front of him at the Osceola Parkway ramp to the Turnpike. He ran up on the sidewalk, took out the safety attenuator which closed two lanes until it could be repaired the next day (and created a huge backup on the Parkway), and smashed into the building. Toll workers have been killed and severely injured by crashes at toll plazas. Drivers should be concentrating on the car in front of them, not looking at displays on the side of the building or trying to view decorations. Open road tolling has reduced crashes at plazas by 55 to 75 percent and it is our job to make sure those crashes continue to go down.

The Florida’s Turnpike workforce is indeed diverse, and includes workers from all around the world, and they have always been free to celebrate their various secular and spiritual holidays–whether its Christmas, or Kwanza or Easter or Hanukkah–in the employee break rooms, in public areas that are not a distraction to drivers, and at their personal non-shared work stations. No official or unofficial policy or pressure has been brought to bear regarding restricting or banning employee celebrations of any holidays. The Turnpike’s employees bring in and set up seasonal or holiday displays in many if not most Turnpike buildings. Toll funds collected from motorists are not expended on ANY holiday decorations. During the holidays, Turnpike and consultant employees are free to wear holiday jewelry, bells on their shoes, or other discreet decorative items so long as they are wearing any required uniforms. Employees’ appearance is always expected to be professional and reflect a positive image in representing Florida on the Turnpike system.

If you have any questions, I’d be happy to discuss it with you or your readers at the addresses below.

Christa Deason
Public Information Officer
Florida’s Turnpike Enterprise
Turkey Lake Service Plaza, Milepost 263
P.O. Box 613069
Ocoee, FL 34761
407-264-3492
800-749-7453, ext. 3492
407-822-6479 – Fax
christa.deason@dot.state.fl.us

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School Kids Will Get Burnt by the Obamas’ Bake Sale Ban

Fundraisers like Denver Public Schools' "Bake Sale to Benefit Haiti" could soon be banned by President Obama.

Fundraisers like Denver Public Schools' "Bake Sale to Benefit Haiti" could soon be banned by President Obama.

Public school students that depend on proceeds from bake sales to cover the costs of their extracurricular activities will soon need to find another way to raise money. President Obama is expected to sign his wife’s cupcake-crushing Child Nutrition bill today, but a grassroots coalition is telling concerned citizen’s the war on bake sales isn’t over until the last cookie crumbles:

“Parents and local communities are outraged at the federal government’s usurpation of power,” says Orit Sklar, national spokeswoman of the consumer coalition My Food. My Choice!. “It represents everything the American people have been rejecting from Washington.”

Opponents of the bill cite major concerns with the overreach of government and the unfunded mandates placed on local communities and taxpayers. In protest, parents and students are participating in the inaugural ‘National Bake Sale Month.’

“As long as this is the law of the land, each December we’re going to come together to celebrate ‘National Bake Sale Month’ to highlight the absurdity of the law and share how school fundraisers help to provide the essentials our children need especially during tough economic times.”

Students, parents and teachers are being encouraged to post pictures of their bake sales on the My Food. My Choice! Facebook page or on Twitter by using the handle @MyFoodMyChoice [no harm in adding @NoNannyState] or hashtag #bakesale, and answer the question, “What does your bake sale pay for?”

Don't let the Obamas monopolize bake sales!

Don't let the Obamas monopolize bake sales!

Spread the word about this latest recipe for disaster cooked-up by the Obama Administration. Together with our allies at My Food. My Choice!, let’s show the Obamas how real “change” happens through embracing democracy, not fascism.

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