Tag Archives: humor

License Plates for Bicycles Sought by NJ Lawmaker

UPDATE (01/13/11): Big Gov’t Bureaucrat Back Pedals on Bike Bill

"Can I see your license and registration, please?"

"Can I see your license and registration, please?"

A New Jersey democrat is using her political muscle to force citizens across the state to register their bicycles with the Division of Motor Vehicles. The ridiculous maneuver would help the state offset its $10 billion budget deficit by enforcing a $10 per license plate fee and fines up to $100 for those, including children, caught riding unregistered bikes.

Assemblywoman Cleopatra Tucker (D-Essex) said balancing the state’s budget isn’t her motivation for the outlandish proposal; it’s protecting senior citizens from getting run over by kids on bikes.

Affixing license plates to every bicycle in the state would help these vulnerable senior citizens identify and rattle off the license plate numbers from the kids’ bikes to the police, ensuring the rascals are brought to justice, says Tucker.

Tucker’s proposal has been met with opposition by a diverse group of interests including bicyclists, environmentalists, business owners and even her own colleagues in the State House.

“That’s an outrage, for sure,” said Paige Hiemier, vice-president of the New Jersey Bike & Walk Coalition. “Basically, it’s outrageous for a number of reasons, and most of them are: Who is the legislation aimed at? Who’s going to administer it? How are they going to pay for it? Who’s going to stop the bicyclists and check their registration?”

Send Tucker an email reminding her not to make the same mistake twice: AswTucker@njleg.org

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US Border Agents Silently Confiscating Kids’ Candy

Wouldn't it be nice if U.S. border agents did an equally amazing job catching terrorists, drug smugglers, and those criminal elements hell-bent on illegally infiltrating our nation's porous borders?

Wouldn't it be nice if U.S. border agents did an equally amazing job catching terrorists, drug smugglers, and those criminal elements hell-bent on illegally infiltrating our nation's porous borders?

Just when you thought catching terrorists, drug smugglers and illegal alien invaders were among the top priorities of the U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agency, there comes news from the Canadian border that agents have also been tasked with confiscating kids’ contraband candy.

Linda Bird, a Canadian woman who recently attempted enter the U.S., was stunned when CBP agents seized a $2 chocolate egg that has been deemed a “choking hazard” by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The confection marketed towards children is commonly know across the globe as a “Kinder Surprise,” and contains a small toy safely embedded inside a chocolate covered plastic shell.

Canadian health officials have repeatedly said they are not concerned about the potential for youngsters to choke on the tiny toys hidden inside the eggs because the plastic shells are difficult for children of any age to open, especially toddlers that simply do not have the manual dexterity required.

Across the border in the Nanny States of America, the FDA and CBP remain committed to ensuring that contraband candy eggs never infiltrate our nation’s northern border and needlessly put a single American child’s life at risk.

“The U.S. takes catching illegal Kinder candy seriously, judging by the number of them they’ve confiscated in the last year,” reports the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC). “Officials said they’ve seized more than 25,000 of the treats in 2,000 separate seizures.”

Undated warning label from a Kinder Surprise warns parents of tiny tots about potential choking hazards.

Undated warning label from a Kinder Surprise warns parents of tiny tots about potential choking hazards.

International confectioner, Ferrero, introduced the Kinder Surprise in 1974, and since then, more than 30 billion eggs have safely been devoured by children across the globe. In fact, Ferrero notes on its website that it has taken extra precautions to ensure that “Kinder Surprise toys are designed and developed with safety in mind, rigorously observing international regulations as well as extra safety criteria voluntarily adopted by the Ferrero Group.”

Despite a thriving global market for a seemingly innocent and safe confection that has yet to be threatened with extinction by a frivolous class action lawsuit in any nation, the Kinder Surprise remains on the CBP’s list of items that, if found being smuggled in to the U.S., could result in a $300 fine and legal headaches.

Accused Kinder Surprise ‘smuggler,’ Bird, said she recently received a “seven-page letter” from the U.S. government asking her to “formally authorize the destruction of her seized Kinder egg” or pay $250 for it to be put in storage while legal matters are pursued.

“I thought it was a joke,” Bird said. “I had to read it twice. But they are serious.”

Do you support CBP’s silent crackdown on contraband candy or prefer they stick to performing the agency’s “priority mission of keeping terrorists and their weapons out of the U.S.?”

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CAPTIONFEST: Who’s Your Nanny?

It looks like motorists in Tacoma, Wash., have a tough dilemma on their hands. Do they respect the parking laws of the city or the wishes of Subway?

“I’m wondering if Subway is sending these out and trying to override municipal parking regulations all across the nation,” asks ‘Justin,’ who submitted the image of dueling parking signs to Consumerist.com.

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Obesity Alarmist Doesn’t Tweet What She Preaches

Thou Tweet with forketh tongue, Linda.

Thou Tweet with forketh tongue, Linda.

The Orlando Sentinel’s in-house anti-obesity crusader, Linda Shrieves, went to bat yesterday for a radical animal ‘rights’ group that is attempting to replace the USDA’s food pyramid with a vegan substitute that eliminates all meat and dairy products.

When the obesity-obsessed Shrieves isn’t taking the journalistic liberty of transforming press releases from the likes of the agenda-driven Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine in to public health warnings, she can’t seem to resist Tweeting about the latest deals to be found at fast food restaurants:

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Court Confiscates Lawyer’s ‘Contraband’ Candy

Gene Gulinson might be a sucker for jawbreakers, but do you think he's a lawbreaker, too?

Gene Gulinson might be a sucker for jawbreakers, but do you think he's a lawbreaker, too?

An Arizona attorney says that after thirty years of trying cases in Phoenix courthouses, no one has ever raised an issue about his sweet tooth. That all changed when guards recently confiscated Gene Gulinson’s jawbreakers and prohibited his bag of pastries, reports UPI:

Gene Gulinson, who practices in Phoenix, said his treatment at the Highland Justice Court in Gilbert damaged his reputation, The Arizona Republic reported. He is seeking $75,000 from the town.

Gulinson, in his notice of claim, said he has brought candy into courthouses dozens of times over the past 30 years without any trouble.

The trouble began when Gulinson went to the courthouse for a pretrial conference with a client who had two traffic tickets. He said guards first told him he could not enter carrying a bag of pastries a client had given him.

After he got rid of the pastries, guards searched his briefcase and found the jawbreakers.

A town spokeswoman said food is not allowed in the court, although Gilbert makes an exception for babies.

Another frivolous lawsuit or do you think Gulinson’s case has teeth? Afterall, parents are allowed to bring food in to the courtroom and their kids probably make bigger messes than attorneys wearing expensive suits they’d prefer not to soil.

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2010’s Most Notorious Nanny State Ninnies

Michelle Malkin just released her “Big Nannies of the Year” list and Reason.tv recently held its annual red carpet ‘awards gala.’ Find out who made the cut and let us know if a notorious nanny state nincompoop has been overlooked.

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Captionfest: TSA Gone Wild

Grabbed from the Denver Post’s photo collection of TSA gropers in action.

Give us your best captions for this revealing image.

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